What to do if a Parent Refuses to go to Assisted Living

It’s difficult to watch your loved ones grow older. It generally entails more aches and pains, less mobility, and increased difficulty managing one’s own affairs. It’s no surprise that so many people over the age of 65 are striving to stay in their own homes. According to a poll conducted by the National Association of Senior Housing, over 90% of seniors want to “age in place,” staying in their current homes for at least the next 5-10 years. However, about two thirds of seniors require assistance with at least one daily activity. It’s difficult when your head wants one thing, but your body insists on something else. This is why so many people who need assisted living refuse it. 

Here are six strategies that can help you when a senior parent (who really could use the help) refuses assisted living. 

Change Your Approach 

It’s time to modify tactics when what you’re doing isn’t working. Instead of repeating yourself, try some of the tactics listed below:  

Give your loved one a feeling of control. Discussing how they “must” do something is an ineffective technique to persuade them. Instead, invite them to discuss alternatives with you. Rather than expressing your frustration and dread, you should express your concern and love. Note the advantages of assisted living, such as greater freedom and easier socialization. Consider asking for input from people you can trust. Ask them if you’re being too pushy, controlling, or employing a strategy that will undoubtedly fail. Then make adjustments as needed. 

Back Off 

If you’ve tried but were unsuccessful in getting your loved one to listen to you, consider taking a step back for a while. When a senior does not want assisted living and feels forced into it, it’s easy for them to believe that they have lost control of their life. So, take a step back for a few weeks and give your loved one time to contemplate things, analyze their position, and perhaps come to their own conclusion that they need assistance living. 

Share Your Feelings

If you have a good relationship with your senior, they will be sensitive to your concerns. Rather than telling them they’re sick, discuss your own emotions. The following are some sample scripts: 

 “I want you to be happy, but I think there are professionals that are better equipped with helping you.”  

“I’m feeling really drained, and you don’t appear to be very pleased. I’m searching for a solution that will benefit both of us.” 

“I’m concerned about you because I care so much for you. I’d like to discover a method for allowing you to maintain your independence, function better, and be secure.” 

Don’t refer to them as a nuisance or a bother. Don’t characterize them as being selfish. The objective is to put your personal concerns in their proper perspective and show assisted living as a solution rather than a burden. 

Get Help From Others 

Consider how you would feel if your spouse informed you that your clothing was unflattering vs. if a close friend did the same thing. The messenger has a significant impact. Changing the vehicle may often be all it takes to make a big difference. Furthermore, by bringing in additional influential people, you can make the message more compelling and ensure that the family structure remains accurate. You might get help from others to include: 

A pastor, a reliable physician who can emphasize the hazards of remaining alone, or additional loved ones. 

If this course of action fails, a family intervention may be useful; but proceed with caution. The aim should be to express concern rather than to make your loved one feel forced or harassed. 

 Get Legal Support 

If your loved one refuses assisted living but needs professional assistance, you may want to seek outside legal help. An elder care lawyer can assist you with reviewing your alternatives, advising you on obtaining guardianship, or even referring you to a geriatric social worker who can aid. Your relative might be frustrated and distressed, however, it’s preferable to a potential catastrophe that causes hurt to themselves or others. 

It doesn’t have to be either. If you’re ready to turn the conversation around and assist your loved one get the care they need, reference our helpful suggestions or reach out to get started!