Kick off the new year with a new assisted living conversation
December 17, 2022
It can be difficult to talk to parents about assisted living, as the move is often seen as a loss of independence. Many seniors avoid discussing this topic altogether because they are afraid they will be forced out of their homes. Adult children and spouses may also tiptoe around the subject, unsure of how their loved ones will react.
A lot of people assume that seniors have to give up their independence when they move into assisted living, but that’s not always the truth. In fact, many times, it’s quite the opposite. Assisted living can actually extend a senior’s independence by providing help with activities of daily living and improving their social life. According to the National Center for Assisted Living, there are more than 28,900 communities nationwide with 800,000 individuals residing in them. Since assisted living falls squarely in the middle of the elder care spectrum, it is becoming an increasingly important part of long-term care planning
Many families wait to have this conversation until it’s too late. But if an accident or medical emergency occurs, they will be forced to researchers senior living options in a hurry. This is not the best way to ensure that your loved one receives quality care that meets their needs, preferences and budget.
Broaching the subject of assisted living early on might assist to relieve some of the worry and uncertainty, making it easier for everyone. The following suggestions can help you have a healthy, collaborative discussion about long-term care rather than one full with accusations, dread, frustration, or anger.
How to broach the difficult conversation about assisted living with your aging parents.
1. Learn about different types of senior living settings and the levels of care they provide before bringing up the subject. Senior housing characteristics may vary somewhat from state to state, so check out possibilities in the state where your parent lives or may want to move later on. In California, assisted living facilities (ALFs) are frequently referred to as residential care facilities for the elderly (RCFEs).
2. Although prices vary widely and fluctuate over time, research the average costs of each type of senior living in your community. Locating ALFs locally who can provide you with price information may give you a more accurate picture of long-term care expenses in your area.
3. Knowing about your parents’ financial status and the care options available to them is key. You should ask questions such as if they have long-term care insurance, or if either parentis a veteran – because they may be eligible for benefits that could help pay for long term care. By gathering reliable information from the start, you can make decisions based off of facts instead of guesses; which will avoid potential problems down the road.
4. Many seniors are reticent to discuss their finances, so this can be a difficult aspect to piece together. To stress the importance of knowing their budget, Gail M. Samaha advises emphasizing that you need this information in order to make sure their desires and needs can be met. She is an elder care planning consultant and creator of GMS Associates located in Scituate, Mass.
Make future plans a topic of ongoing discussion.
If you want to talk about the future, it’s best to do it early while your elders are still living in the community. This will help create a realistic and non-threatening open discussion that help everyone have a say in what happens. Plus, this type of discussion can be really helpful because it gives families time to process the many options in a low pressure way when there’s no need to make an immediate decision.
This is a tough topic to talk about, but it’s important that we have this conversation. I want to make sure that I follow your wishes, and in order to do that effectively, I need to know exactly what they are. We don’t have to decide anything right now – let’s just start the conversation so we can keep this in mind and focus on preparing for the future. I promise you that if I am ever in a position to have to make decisions on your behalf that I’ll involve you in all decisions regarding your care.
Highlight the positive aspects of each housing option to make it more appealing…
One approach to make this discussion go well is to be cautious while presenting it. Use words that are good and non-threatening when discussing senior living. Instead of a facility, call assisted living a “community.” Talk about “condo-style living” rather than “rooms,” avoid using personal care as an emphasis, and emphasize the activities, amenities, and social activities instead of personal care.
Use a calm, quiet, and pleasant tone when talking. Let your parents know that you want them to make the ultimate decision. This is a two-way conversation rather than a lecture, so be sure to be polite. Pay attention and validate their feelings as well as those of others in the room who aren’t being heard. If someone gets angry, don’t respond with more anger; this will just further escalate things. The louder a person speaks when they believe they aren’t being heard, the more loudly they’ll shout and become even angrier. Don’t reply with loud tones; doing so may lead to an argument which will cause a set back.
In Conclusion
Almost everyone wishes they could choose their home and the level of care they will get. This desire does not go away with age. If your parents are healthy enough, invite them on a tour of senior living facilities or a trip to see friends and relatives who have already moved. Seeing these locations close-up, obtaining a feel for how they operate, and talking with current residents honestly about their experiences can be extremely beneficial in making a decision.